Yesterday at Mass, I'm pretty sure the priest was using two microphones at once, and the volume was too high on both of them, so every word the priest spoke was deafening.

Of course, I spent most of Mass trying my best not to scream and mentally complaining that I was sick, that I had a headache, that it shouldn't be that hard to figure out a sound system.

But then, during the Eucharistic consecration, the sound system ended up having an amazing effect.

When the priest broke the host, it didn't sound like a piece of bread snapping in half. It sounded like bones breaking.

And I realized, that's actually Christ, broken for us. He's not just suffering, he's completely destroyed for us. And we did that to Him. We broke his flesh. That heart-wrenching sound I heard wasn't just a symbol. That was actually Christ. And He actually was whipped, beaten, crushed under the weight of the cross, nailed, hung, pierced with a lance. He bled and He broke for us.

And you know what's really awful of me, but also I feel really human? When I realized that, after the momentary, "Oh my Jesus!" my next thought was, "Why do you have to remind me? Why do you have to make me feel guilty?"

One answer to that question is, "You are guilty." And it's true. As a human, I have participated in the murder of Christ. And the brokenness of Christ crucified hurts so deeply because I can recognize that it was rightfully my brokenness, that He took all of it upon Himself. And Jesus could have left me with that answer. But the answer Jesus gave me instead was, "It's not meant as a reminder of your guilt. It's meant as a reminder of my love and mercy."

We don't go receive Jesus in order that we can be shamed for the part we played in killing him, or so that we can  be reminded how horribly sinful we are. We go to Mass and thereby go to Calvary in order to witness directly Christ's infinite love for each and every one of us.

He allowed Himself to be completely broken and destroyed for our sake. God died to save humans. And all that pain, all that suffering, all that brokenness, He would have taken it all on Himself even if it was just to save one person. And if it were necessary, He would have died a thousand more times, for His love knows no limits.

I'm praying for you!

:)