I'm apparently very slow or stupid, or both.

You know how often I've said, "I trust God"? A lot. And if anyone ever asks me, I'll give them a long speech about how much I absolutely trust Him with everything.

But the second I have a single actual dilemma, I start panicking.
"I'm not going to be able to pay for this semester."
"If I don't get this credit, I won't graduate."
"I'll never get this job."
"I can't even apply to grad school with my GPA. I'm doomed."
I freak out and think that my entire life is about to spiral out of control, because I can't handle all of the stress on my own. And I conveniently forget entirely that I "trust God in everything."

I spent a lot of time this summer studying for the GRE, although not as much time as I thought I should spend. Right before the test, I started freaking out because I don't have the best academic records for applying to psychology graduate programs, and I was suddenly worried that I would never make it to graduate school. I hadn't done as well as I wanted on GRE practice tests, and I started to think that maybe I shouldn't even try to be a psychologist.

The night before the test, I lie awake talking to God, because I'd realized I wasn't trusting Him. And I said, "Please let me do well if it's your will that I go to grad school." This "prayer" was mostly me not trusting at all. I was thinking, "I'm probably not going to do well, and then I'll just snidely take this as your will for me to give up."

During the test, I barely finished one of the sections. I was counting on my score being mediocre or just barely good enough to apply for grad schools like Vandy. But the results flashed up on the screen, and I got a 161 quantitative and a 167 verbal. I blew the test out of the water.

I'm not trying to brag by telling you that, because I think those scores don't really reflect how well I prepared for the test. They reflect God guiding me throughout the test and helping me to score high.

Because He has great plans for me, and I don't have to have any specific skills to accomplish them.

I can't do anything on my own, and that's the message I got from that test.

I can't do anything by myself, but I can do everything with God.

So I don't have to solve all of my problems and "get myself into grad school."

I have to calm down, do what I can towards resolving each problem that I face one-by-one, and trust, actually trust, that God will take care of the rest. I have to trust that His will for my life is not unattainable or impossible and that if I try to live out my vocation, He will work through me to make sure that I succeed.

I need to remember that more often.

I'm praying for you!

:)