The first sorrowful mystery is, of course, the Agony in the Garden.
He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” - Matthew 26:39In Matthew's Gospel, Jesus prays this not once, not twice, but THREE times.
The mysterious thing about this is not that Jesus is praying, obviously. Talking to His Father before His death is not weird or mysterious. What does seem odd is that Jesus says, "Not as I will, but as you will."
For me to pray this would not be odd; I pray all the time for God to take away trials if He wills it. But for Jesus to pray this does strike me as odd - He and His Father are one - "If you have seen me, you have seen the Father" - right? So, how can they have separate wills?
Now, if He only prayed this once, I might be able to disregard it as just an example to me of how to pray. I mean, He obviously didn't need baptism to cleanse Him of His sins, since He didn't have any, but He got baptized. Maybe this could also be an example? But no, He doesn't just pray this once, He prays it three times.
Now, I'm flummoxed. How could Jesus be praying to His Father to please take away the cross if possible and saying "Not as I will, but as you will"?
Of course, I don't have a great explanation for this - it is a mystery, after all, and I am nowhere close to being a theologian. But, I think that there are three things about this that I may have figured out:
1. This mystery highlights the greater mystery of the Holy Trinity
Jesus and His Father are indeed two separate Persons. Rather than just being identical, They are distinct and They do interact with each other. How this is possible I have no idea, but I do think that this mystery provides a really wonderful opportunity to meditate on the Trinity.
2. It highlights the human nature of Jesus.
As I mentioned in the previous post about the Agony in the Garden, this mystery highlights Jesus' human nature, and this phrase accentuates that. He appears nervous about death, and even though I cannot ever understand (while on this Earth) how the two Natures of Christ coexist in one Person, this phrase especially shows that He is fully human, like us in all things except for sin.
3. It provides us an example of perfect submission to the Will of the Father
I don't think this is a case of Jesus having a will which is contrary to that of His Father. He is God, after all. The only way that I can think of to explain this phrase to myself is that Jesus is submitting control of His Will to His Father. When He says "Not as I will," He is not saying, "Our wills are different, but I'll go with Yours if I have to." He is saying, "I am allowing You to make the decision here, whatever Your decision is. I submit My will to Yours." It is a fine difference, so I don't know if I've explained it well. Basically, I think He is relinquishing control completely. He is not Himself willing anything with regards to His death, because He is allowing His Father to make the decision. He is not saying, "I will differently but am going to do what you want," but "I will whatever You will."
It is this submission of the Will which is so difficult for me so much of the time. I say so often, "I want this to happen, but if it can't, I'll do whatever You want me to do." It's easy to think I am submitting to the Will of God when I am actually following His Will begrudgingly, without actually wanting to do what I am doing.
What I, along with everybody else, am actually called to do is to change my will to reflect that of God, to allow God's Will to shape mine, so that I actually want to do what He wills.
When you do what God wills, and you actually want to be doing it because you know and accept God's will, that is true joy. After all, joy is being [and, at the same time, willing to be] with the beloved, right?
This is a really tough mystery for me to unpick, so if you have any ideas, please share!
I'm praying for you!
:)
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