Fireworks

When you watch fireworks, do you live completely in the moment, or does your mind wander? Do you think about the last time you saw fireworks? I know that, personally, my mind gets lost in all sorts of deep philosophical thoughts when I watch fireworks, and this 4th of July, the thought was that I don't ever let myself live completely in the moment during fireworks. I watch the show, but I'm not paying attention to it.

I realized that I also don't live in the moment when I'm on my computer, playing video games, watching tv, etc. We have so many modern distractions, and that's just what they are - distractions. None of these activities fully consumes my mind while I'm participating in it - not for long, anyway. Thus, I start multi-tasking. I text and talk and eat during fireworks. I spent a couple days last week making friendship bracelets while I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yes, I said a couple days).

These attitudes towards today's distractions spill over into our interactions with other people. I'm constantly texting 5 people at once, even while I'm talking to somebody in real life. I'd much rather be talking to a lot of people at once over Facebook, Tumblr, and text messages than to talk to one person in front of me. And I'd like to pretend that the reason is that I don't have time to devote to all my friends and family and that I'm making an efficient use of my time by multitasking. But the truth is that I don't want to have to actually devote all my energy at once to one person, because that would require being still in the moment; it would require love. 

Marc Barnes' most recent post on BadCatholic talks about how we have to confront a person's unique self when we look them in the eyes. We cannot be apathetic towards someone when we look in their eyes. We must love them or hate them.

I think also, though, when we look someone in the eyes and remain in the moment with them, we have to confront within ourselves the reality of how we treat them.

I can pretend I love someone because I text them every day and tell them so, or because I post cat pictures on their Facebook page once a week, or because I'll give them some of my attention. But when I am alone with them, when I am confronted with the choice to devote all my energy to them alone for even a few minutes, I must own up to the reality that I do not love them as I should.

Love requires being present. Fully present. In fact, if you truly love someone, you get sucked completely into the present and no other time exists for you. The present turns into eternity. In a way, you get a glimpse of eternity, of the way God views time, which is to say, to not observe time at all. If you sit in Eucharistic Adoration long enough, ardently and fully adoring Christ, you will eventually lose track of all else in existence. Thus, the emergence of Jeff's face in the Frassatti House chapel, the one that looks like he's died and gone to heaven. And for earthly love, too, the lovers ardently looking into each other's eyes or in any way actually loving each other are not thinking about anything else.

I've discovered that children are much better at this, at placing themselves completely in the moment. Everything looks new and wonderful to them, and so every interaction with a child happens, for them at least, completely in the moment. I think that's one reason why young children are really never lukewarm. They see each thing, each person, each experience, as a unique entity, and so they either love it or they hate it. Like Tinkerbell, they only have room for one emotion, one response.

But then they get older. And they get distracted by everything in the world. And everything becomes commonplace. And we avoid living in the moment, because it's scary and because we really don't know how.

But God, like a child, lives in the now. He doesn't live in hypothetical pasts and futures with a million different possible interpretations. He IS. And so to find him, we must become like children. We must lose distractions of all sorts and live now, with our families, with our friends, and with God. And yes, when we find God completely in the now, we have to confront whether we actually love Him at all, we must choose rather to love or to hate Him, but I think it's ridiculous that we avoid that confrontation because of our pasts, because each moment we choose anew whether to love or hate God, and if we're actually actively loving God, we have nothing to fear, because He's not keeping score.

I'm praying for you!

:)